The Unbalancing Act

The Unbalancing Act

Enjoy the music (click this link) TINY TEARS which sets the mood of the poem


The Unbalancing Act

My scale is so sensitive...

My scale is so sensitive,

One harsh look or word

Tips me back into the void.

Juggling like a pro...

 Juggling like a pro,

The sad, the bright, and the ugly,

Sometimes makes me fall.

Handle me with care…

Handle me with care,

Because I am as fragile as they come,

Without being reduced to shards.

This glass balance, when it breaks...

This glass balance, when it breaks,

Drops colored tear- shaped prisms

All over the public streets.

The upright passersby stare at me

The upright passersby stare at me
.
They retract their hands

In case I fall towards them.

Under cover, I practice my moves

 
Under cover, I practice my moves.

Behind closed doors, I dupe myself

Into thinking I am improving my act.


Juggling dull blades and my sanity
Has proven to be an unimaginative show
.
The audience bores, leaves me alone.

Karima Hoisan
May, 2006
Jordan
© 2006 all rights reserved

This poem was written in 2006. I was in a poetry workshop at the time and I added this footnote:

“‏
Author’s comments;
Depression is hard enough on the depressed,
‏but those standing near, are left impotent,
frustrated, and disarmed.”

I found this poem in a drawer today and decided to post it, for a few reasons. 1. I could never write a poem like this today, because I am not depressed now.(I am very grateful for that)  2. I know that both poetry and coming into Second Life gave me my self worth back, which is something deeply lost in depression. 3. Having a loved one in this condition, or any mental illness is so very hard. I know as I have seen this “life from both sides now.”





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4 Responses to The Unbalancing Act

  1. jan says:

    I was relieved to read your comments and follow up after this poem from the past. I remember the you who would write this….your smothering depression following a personal shattering. But having survived that….just look at the fountain of love and generous sharing of it that has come out of you!!! Depression can get stuck in endless patterns of pain leading no where….or it can be a clearing, releasing of obsolete stuff stuck inside…opening your channels to bring in inspiring visions that touch the deepest parts of us….and a renewed appreciation for all things real and true. With you…it is the latter….thank you.

  2. If you have been there, you know it can look pretty helpless..but we can climb out..Each might have their own rescue story, but it is possible to come “up out” and see the sun shining. I have learned from experience, not talking about it, or being honest with those around me, prolonged it way too long. Thank you Jan for your comments, as always a wise and loving mix of perspective.

  3. Suzanna says:

    Your personal comment on “Depression is hard enough on the depressed,
    ‏but those standing near, are left impotent,
    frustrated, and disarmed.” really effected me on a personal level. I, myself, have never known depression . . . but I have definitely felt impotent, frustrated and disarmed by those close to me that have had that experience. I have never really even thought about putting words to those feelings . . . and somehow those words help me to understand myself and my reactions more clearly. Thank you . . . and I am so happy to know that you are not experiencing depression anymore. What a relief . . . almost as if you have your life back again . . . or at least that is what I can imagine it to be. Thanks again.

    • Hello Suzanna, and thank you for visiting my blog. I am so happy these small words could be a help for you. This is such a delicate subject, so many layers, but there is no doubt, everyone close gets affected when depression strikes. I feel that I have come over this stage I describe in my poem, and I give thanks daily, as I think in some of us, the balance is calibrated so fine-tuned, just a little extra can tip the scales.. It is a complex subject and a heartbreaking one for all concerned. Self worth is a hard one to build back up, once it has been torn down. I appreciate your feedback on this poem. Thank you 🙂

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